The world is filled with insecure people. Not a single human being that roams this Earth is free from at least occasional self-doubt, anxiety, apprehension and uncertainty. At one point or another we have all measured our own self-worth against our perceptions of someone’s success. We are all guilty of basing our self-esteem off the cruel and untrue words of another person. Every one of us has felt the sting of envy, the bite of rejection and the wounds of both self-inflicted and critic-inflicted criticism.
Lately I have been thinking a lot about my own insecurities and how they impact my life and my relationships. In identifying ways to accept my insecurities I realized that the first step to doing so is to own them.
I am insecure about my weight. My love for complex carbohydrates, ice cream and beer coupled with my autoimmune thyroid disease, a heart condition that has made exercise difficult and frequent bouts of depression have left me 30 pounds heavier than I’d like to be.
I am insecure in romantic relationships. Many of my exes have been disloyal in one way or another. As hard as I try to not project this insecurity onto potential new partners it is difficult and at times my insecurity is hurled directly at undeserving companions.
I am insecure about how others perceive me and what others say about me when I am not around. I am insecure about what kind of a friend/daughter/sister I am. I am insecure about my laugh, my skin, my heart surgery scars, my financial situation and my housekeeping abilities. I am insecure about my writing.
Most of all, I am insecure about being insecure.
But the rest of you are insecure, too. Most of you are probably so busy worrying about your own insecurities that you are not actually judging me for mine. I know this because I am so busy worrying about my own insecurities that I am not actually judging you for yours. Yet there always seems to be a few people that would like us to think that they are without insecurity or somehow better than us. These are the people who use the things we feel most insecure about strictly to wound us. These are the people not worth being wounded for. I say fuck these people. Let these people stew in their misery and denial. But I intend to free myself. There is something wonderful and powerful about feeling completely insecure.
We are never more vulnerable, more human, or more beautiful than in the acknowledgment and acceptance of our flaws and imperfections.