I Just Need to Lower my Standards (If I Ever Want to Find a Guy)

“A person with low standards will forever be walking.  A person with high standard will soon stop walking and start running. Later, they’ll soon stop running and start galloping. The next time you see him, he’s either flying or soaring.”― Israelmore Ayivor

Last weekend my talented and adorable colleague/friend got a little tipsy at her friend’s barbecue and gave my digits to a dude who is a friend of her friend. Though I had granted her permission to do so, regret set in almost immediately. In the first ten text messages that Ryan and I sent back and forth it was clear that we had nothing in common. I had to labor to keep even our boring conversation going.

Ryan recently moved back from out-of-state and said he is looking to leave Colorado again soon (because if long-distance does not a fulfilling relationship make, what does?). Ryan is ten years older than me and lives over 30 miles away (because if long commutes in wicked traffic does not an enjoyable relationship make, what does?). I found myself completely uninterested when Ryan briefly discussed his work in apartment maintenance and telephone line repair (because if not giving one single fuck about what someone says does not a happily-ever-after make, what does?)

So when Ryan got around to asking me out for a drink, I politely told him that I did not think we were compatible and told him to take good care. The response I received:


So that is what I have been doing wrong this whole time! I just need to lower my standards if I ever want to find a guy. Ah, it all makes so much sense now! Except that it actually makes no sense because after nearly a decade of dating, my standards are already pretty low. I only have two bottom-line, deal-breaker standards: to share compatibility with and attraction to someone, and to be treated with respect. Luxury standards such as car ownership, a good set of teeth, employment, ambition, emotional stability, and established housing are rare finds. That is the honest and heartbreaking truth about dating at 28. Yet it is better to be alone than to have to settle for less than I need and want, which is why I ate Chinese food in bed and watched Netflix instead of meeting Ryan for a drink.

Ryan can eat a big bag of dicks. Instead of expecting someone to stoop down to his level, he should take a long look in a mirror. There is a reason he is almost 40 and without a partner. I would bet that reason is because he needs to raise the standards he has for himself (if he ever wants to find a lady).

2 thoughts on “I Just Need to Lower my Standards (If I Ever Want to Find a Guy)

  1. Can you please publicly denounced this fine sir. If folks want to be assholes, all women should have the right to know.

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