Today is my birthday. I am now 29, though since my best friend is currently pregnant I also happen to know that my organs and bones are much closer to 30 than anything.
It occurs to me that I am not in the place in life that I had hoped to be by now. The facts remain that I am painfully single and also childless (unless my dog counts), that my savings account is sad, and that I still do not love to wear bikinis or have a pet sloth.
Amidst these perceived disappointments, I made the conscious decision to let go of whatever arbitrary expectations I held for this age, for this place in life. And a funny thing happened. I realized that I am not, in fact, disappointed at all. I only thought I was, or thought I needed to be.
Because the rest of the facts are that I sometimes eat popcorn and wine for dinner. That my life is full of wonderful weirdos, deep friendship and generous family. That I am passionate about my profession. That my dog is awesome. That I live in a beautiful space with a spectacular view in the middle of a happening city. That I have a book club and a blog. That my heart has kept beating despite its diagnosis. That I have found peace, comfort and growth in the practices of meditation and yoga. That I am not stuck in an unhappy relationship. That I did not settle for a shitbag because I was too afraid of being single at 29. That I am learning to love myself a little more each day. That I am not alone, even when I am lonely.
And, if I am being honest, I have fantastic hair and that’s a fact.
So this is 29. It is not what I hoped it would be. But it is what it is and it is pretty fucking great. Because it is what I have, right here, and right now. In this moment, on this day, and in this life. What is not already history is a mere hypothetical, and all that matters is right in front of me.
As I embark on another year, I am nothing if not grateful. I do not have to spin in life’s vortex of shit and get pelted with its unpleasantness. Instead I can acknowledge that I, like everyone else, am doing the very best I can do and that is god damn good enough for now.
And with that, I’m off to celebrate. This Banshee needs some cocktails.