For most of this week I felt afflicted with the continuous stab of loneliness and melancholy. It is easy to get enveloped in all of the injustices of this life—shitty drivers, rude neighbors, work frustrations, inconsiderate friends and disappointing dates, just to name a few.
Last night in lieu of perseverating on all things displeasing I put on pearls, poured bourbon in my tea, put Dead Sea mud on my face and soaked in a bubble bath. When I finally stepped out of the tub my skin was craggy and wrinkled but I felt a powerful sense of reprieve. I forced myself to acknowledge that there are so many fucking things in this life to appreciate, and the realization freed me from the repressive shackles of ingratitude.
I am grateful for Denver’s stunning sunrises and sunsets. I am grateful for the Rocky Mountains and the majestic beauty held by their rugged peaks. I am grateful to have a place to call home, a space to unwind.
I am grateful that I have yet to kill the gorgeous plant I was given for my birthday. I am grateful to have cleaned up vomit before dawn this morning because it means I have a loyal canine companion. I am grateful for red wine, dirty gin martinis and clean drinking water.
I am grateful to sometimes feel annoyed when my mother calls because it means that she cares about me. I am grateful for acquaintances and friends, past and present. I am grateful for the laughs we shared and the memories we created. I am grateful to the morons I dated for showing me what I do not want in a partner.
I am grateful for my pacemaker because the little bastard keeps me alive. I am grateful to have a lucid mind and the ability for self-reflection. I am grateful for the ideas, the writings, the passions of others, for music and poetry and film. I am grateful for the food that I eat, the clothes that I wear and the money that I earn. I am grateful to have a career and to feel inspired by my job. I am grateful for popcorn and cupcakes and french fries and beer. I am grateful for sunshine and fresh air, for rain clouds and shining stars. I am grateful to feel happiness as deeply as I feel sadness.
But most importantly I am grateful to recognize that I sometimes feel ungrateful. And so rather than fixating on all that is absent, I hope to better embrace an attitude of gratitude for everything that is already present.