Some time ago my now ex-boyfriend snuck into my apartment to decorate it with over 500 individually wrapped vinyl records. When I saw my apartment I was astounded, completely beside myself with passionate love for the man who went to such great lengths to thrill me so. Soon after this gesture of adoration, the guy vanished for five days without so much as a word. With his disappearing act I went from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Now, several years later and with several similar (though less romantic) stories about several other men, I know that this kind of all-consuming, powerful, fervent love is not actually what I seek. What I want more than anything is just an everyday kind of love.
Do not get me wrong; I still want to fall in love. I want to feel euphoric, giddy, infatuated, serene, slightly obsessive, irrational and zealous as I create intimacy with someone. But I no longer want to stay in the crazed space of an intense passion that swirls with euphoria and lust but is darkened by turmoil and melancholy.
I simply want an everyday kind of love. I want someone to hold my hair when I vomit, to take the dog out when I sleep in, to run me a bubble bath after a long day and to help me fold laundry (especially the fitted bed sheet). I want the kind of love that communicates about paying bills and what kind of toilet paper to buy. I want the kind of love that makes me feel secure, safe and supported. I want the kind of love that is loyal, patient and considerate. I want the kind of love that knows how to say sorry and means it. I want the kind of love that exists in reality and is special simply because two people want it to exist at all. I want to choose the kind of love that also chooses me and I want to work conscientiously to stay in this love.
An everyday kind of love is not as electrifying, it does not get us as high as the unpredictable, uncontrollable kinds of love. But lows inevitably follow highs, and I am learning that the heat of fiery passion is not actually worth the burns it leaves. Only an everyday kind of love is unwavering, enduring, tender and gentle. Only an everyday kind of love is lasting. It has been exhilarating but I am crawling out from underneath the steam roller of wild, unfettered, fanatical love. I simply want everyday love with a man who is present, kind, trustworthy, humble and maybe even a little bit boring. Of course, I’ve really got to want to fuck him, too.
At the end of this life I will happily proclaim that I have indeed felt the depths of impractical, insane, roller-coaster kinds of love. Until then, I am content in my search for an everyday kind of love to share with someone who will sit next to me and hold my hand even when there is nothing left to say.