My Thanks Giving Is Perpetual

“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite – only a sense of existence.” -Henry David Thoreau

My past two months have been even worse than the Denver Broncos, like a Rumba zoomed over a pile of shit and tracked it to every last corner of my life. I lost my beloved grandfather to lung cancer. I would give anything for him to still be alive to collect his winnings from our football bets (even this season when I am surely losing big). Before my grief had time to settle, I was diagnosed with heart failure. At present I am waiting to hear if another open heart surgery is in my future.

It just so happens that today is the twenty-third anniversary of my first open heart surgery, the thing that saved my young life and is the only reason I type before you today. Every year on this day I take inventory of the life I was not supposed to have.

This year I am nothing if not thankful.

I am thankful for the atrocious road construction in Denver, for the jobs it provides and the improvements it will lead to. I am thankful that sitting in its traffic reminds me to be patient and provides me with space to be mindful.

I am thankful for my house plants, for the harmony they bring and the joy they cultivate. I am thankful that because plants cannot move about in the continuum of space, they exude a profound acceptance from which I can learn.

I am thankful for my goofy dog, for the excitement and love he shows and the mess he makes. I am thankful to have his hair on my clothing wherever I go. I am thankful to know he sits at home shedding some more.

I am thankful for yoga, for the reflection it necessitates and the self-approval it nurtures. I am thankful for half-moon pose and triangle pose, for sleeping pigeon pose and shavasana. I am thankful for copious amounts of sweat, for sore muscles, for sweet release.

I am thankful for country music and the woman who shapes my eyebrows. I am thankful for my boss and her unending support. I am thankful for more than a few of my colleagues. I am thankful for my social work clients, for the experiences we share and the resilience they embody.

I am thankful for the song “Horse With No Name” by America. I am thankful for each of my beautiful friends and for my darling Clementine. I am thankful for my comfortable bed, for my oversized bathtub, for essential oils and bananas. I am thankful for gluten-free chicken and waffles. I am grateful for arcade games and pinball machines.

I am thankful for my parents, for the people that they are and for their unconditional love and care. I am thankful for my sister and her strong will, for my brother-in-law and his humor, and for my rescued nephew dogs. I am thankful for red wine and whiskey and margaritas and sunshine and rain and snow and laughter and sorrow. I am thankful for the moon and the mountains. I am thankful for Maui and Montana. I am thankful for dog parks.

I am thankful for good days and happy thoughts. I am thankful for sad days and negative thoughts and for the opportunity to be present in whatever space there is. I am thankful for rainbows and turkeys and trees. I am thankful for my fingers and my toes, for my heart and my brain, for my body and my spirit.

I am thankful for this finite life, for today, for right now.

My thanks giving is perpetual.

3 thoughts on “My Thanks Giving Is Perpetual

  1. I want you to know how much I have enjoyed reading what you write. It helps to know that you are in the world and I have learned a lot from your commentary. Please take the best care that you can of yourself. I want to keep hearing what you have to say! Love to you for all that you do.

  2. Dear Banshee,
    Wherefore art thou?
    Your silence is noted with concern.
    Withing you Blessedness!

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